not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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