when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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