they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
