apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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