We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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