im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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