oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
