Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
