I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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