Three words: puerto rican gang bang
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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