when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
