I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
