ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
