I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
