Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize