He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
