3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
