You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
