Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
