Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
