Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
