you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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