he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
