If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
