Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
