my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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