I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
