And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
