How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize