How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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