The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
