so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
