I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize