I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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