drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize