i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
