Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
