Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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