I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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