true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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