he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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