alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
