She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
