I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
