If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
