btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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