I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize