I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
