thus making me awesome and them whores
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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