i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
he's single and there are thong briefs.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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