I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Randomize
