how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
