Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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