I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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