kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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