We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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