I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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