you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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