So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
