shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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