I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
