Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Then you guys just all showered together...?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
