i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i've created a new STD.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
