If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
