Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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