That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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