then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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